Words Matter

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, But words will never hurt me.”

This catchy childhood phrase was meant to show our indifference to people who said or did hurtful things to us.  But the truth of the matter is—WORDS HURT.

The first part, “Sticks and stones can break my bones” is true, but the last part of the rhyme: “words will never hurt me” is a LIE.  Words do cause emotional hurt and wounds.  Sometimes those negative words become the beliefs we think are true about ourselves.  Those hurtful words often come back into our thoughts months or years after being said.

Can Words Really Hurt You?

Recent scientific research by neuroscientists have been exploring the power of words.  They focus on the brain and its impact on behavior and cognitive functions.  This research shows the correlation between words and physical and emotional stress. Words may even cause some people to have physical pain.  Below are some of the findings:

• The magazine Psychology Today had an article entitled ‘Emotional and Physical Pain Activate Similar Brain Regions.  In this article they bring attention to the fact that hurtful words impact the same area in our brain where we would feel pain just as if we broke a bone.

• Dr. Newberg, a neuroscientist at Thomas Jefferson University and Robert Waldman, a communications expert collaborated on the book,  “Words Can Change your Brain”.  An Excerpt of the book states,

• “Using positive words more often than negative ones can kick-start the motivational centers of the brain, propelling them into action.  On the opposite end of the spectrum, when we use negative words, we are preventing certain neuro-chemicals from being produced which contribute to stress engagement…These hormones and neurotransmitters interrupt the logic and reasoning processes in the brain and inhibit normal functionality.” 

• In an article entitled, “People’s Words and Actions Can Actually Shape Your Brain” by Neuroscientist Lisa Fileman Barrett, PhD. said:

• “The power of words is not a metaphor; it’s in our brain wiring” 
  • “Your family, friends and even strangers contribute to the structure and function of your brain…”
  • “A hateful word may cause your brain to flood your bloodstream with hormones…”

An article entitled “Why Words Are as Painful as Sticks and Stones” states: “The sting of rejection fires up the same neural pathways as pain from a burn…”

What Does God Say?

• It is not our tongue that is to blame it is our heart: 

“…for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. Mat. 12:34)

• The power of death and life are in the tongue:

Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof. (Prov. 18:21)

• Scripture encourages us speak words that are gentle, encouraging, sweet, and a blessing to others:

“Gentle words are a tree of life; a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit.” (Prov. 15:4, NLT)

“Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.” (Eph. 4:29)

“Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones”. (Prov. 16:24)

How To Deal With Hurtful Words Spoken Against You

Our words matter and we will be held accountable for every word spoken. And the reverse is also true. God sees and hears all. Don’t be discouraged from false words and accusations. God is our witness for those words and actions done against us.

“… That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment.” (Mat. 12:3

When these things di happen to us take them to God and pray that He help you to recognize and identify them as lies and to bring to your mind His truth instead. God will help you through the hurts that others cause us. God asks us to show love and be kind to our enemies. If you ask Him He will give you the strength and power to do that.6)

To Change Your Words–Know the Word

We cannot control the words spoken by others.  However, we can control the words we speak. God has given us freewill, which means we can choose what we say.  What comes out of our mouths is our personal responsibility and we will be held accountable. 

Filling our mind and hearts with God’s Word and Truth ensures that we will more readily speak words of kindness and love to those around us.   It is not easy though.  That is why we need to regularly spend time with the Lord and read the Word. We can fill our mind with God’s Goodness through:

• Scripture
• Prayer & Meditation
• Uplifting faith-based images, stories, books, music

New Thinking

The rhyme really should really be worded as:

“Sticks and stones will break my bones,but words have the power to impact me and others for a lifetime.”

It’s a choice we make.  Our words will either cause harm or bless others. Realize the power of your words.  Every conversation is an opportunity for us to speak words that glorify God.  When our conversations encourage, uplift and build up others then our relationships will grow and produce good fruit. 

Satan attacks us through the hurtful words and actions of others.  Choose to not be a mouthpiece for him.  Choose to speak the truth about ourselves and others.

Christ gave us a commandment to love others as we love ourselves (Mat. 22:39).  One way we love others is through our words.

^“Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength, and my redeemer.” (Psalm 19:14)

Suggestion Next Steps:

• What positive changes can you make in your conversations?
  •  “Be an encouraging-the world has plenty of critics already.”
  • “One kind word can change someone’s entire day”
• Before we speak ask:  Is it True?  Is it Necessary?  Is it Kind?
• Remember:
  • “The tongue has no bones, but it is strong enough to break a heart.  So be careful with your words.”
• What are you saying to yourself?
  • “Your mind will believe everything you tell it.  Feed it truth.  Feed it with love.”“Your body hears everything your mind says.”
  • “You will never speak to anyone more than you speak to yourself in your head, be kind to yourself.”

Related:

• What Are you Telling Yourself?
• Stop The Gossip

Song:  Let The Words of My Mouth