The Restorative Power of an Apology
“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God” (Matthew 5:9)
The Restorative Power of an Apology / Author: Cynthia Greene
We live in a world full of imperfect people that we interact with on a daily basis–family, friends, co-workers, and strangers. There are plenty of opportunities to enter into conflict, misunderstandings, hurt feelings, or poor communication. We have either been hurt or hurt others. Often in our mind we know that we need to say “I Am Sorry.” but sometimes those three words are difficult to say.
What holds us back? Pride, self-contentedness, fear, embarrassment, uncertainty of how they will be received, or stubbornness. Sometimes we don’t want to take responsibility for our words and actions. Maybe we are hoping the other person didn’t notice and that the whole thing will disappear or be forgotten. Whatever the reason, it can be difficult to say those three words.
An apology is not a sign of weakness but rather is a sign of strength and character. It is showing our desire to do what God expects from us. In Matthew 6:12 it teaches us to pray “…and forgive us our sins,
as we have forgiven those who sin against us…” Further in the same chapter it warns us that “If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.” (Matthew 6: 14-15)
The words “I am sorry.” can open up the path to forgiveness and can begin to restore and heal relationships. Apologizing is admitting we did or said something wrong and is an opportunity to start over and change.
When our words or actions have hurt others first pray to God for His help and guidance in apologizing. It is through Him that we can be give a sincere and humble apology and show Agape love toward others.
Saying “I am sorry.” conveys to someone that we admit our sin and error. It shows the person that you are remorseful and regret what you said or did. An off-handed or casual apology is not going to be received. The apology needs to be sincere, with no excuses attached and heartfelt to really heal the hurt that we have caused. It needs to be specific such as “I am sorry that I _____”.
An important part of an apology is taking responsibility for what we did or said. It takes humility to say “I was wrong.” but these words show our sincerity for the hurt we have caused. We will gain respect when we take responsibility for our actions.
Avoid using the words “but” or “however” or saying things like: “but I didn’t know”, “but I didn’t mean to”, or “but you took it wrong”. These words will convey that you are deflecting the blame. Just express that you know what you did, that you know that you hurt them and want to acknowledge how it made them feel or the consequences it brought on.
Ask for Forgiveness by saying “I hope you will forgive me?” This communicates your desire to restoring the relationship and moving towards reconciliation. It shows that you value them and that they are important to you. Other ways to convey this include: “I am sorry, I hope you will accept my apology?”, “I deeply regret what I have done,” or “I hope you can forgive me?” Understand that sometimes it may take time for them to forgive you.
Repentance is the action piece of an apology. Repentance means a change of heart and mind and turning to God for forgiveness. It is the proof we are sorrowful and committed to learn from our mistakes and not repeat them.
Restitution is part of the process. It means the return of something to its rightful owner, and recompense for injury or loss. It involves making things right for the person. Convey what you are going to do to make it right, or ask them, “How/What can I do to make this right?” Correct false statements or gossip that you shared with others. Do something for the person. Restitution is a genuine effort to repair the damage we have caused.
It takes humility, grace, and love to offer an apology. Ask God to help you. Sincere Apologies are how our relationships will be healed, strengthened, and grow.
“…be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.” (Ephesians 4:32)
I hope you are encouraged to see the restorative power of an apology and when needed say: “I am sorry.”
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